【www.xzxrv.com--回忆过去】
搞笑的英语小笑话
1：Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
搞笑的英语小笑话2：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
搞笑的英语小笑话3：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌?
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
搞笑的英语小笑话4：Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
搞笑的英语小笑话5：Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聪明的儿子
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。 儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?” “我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
搞笑的英语小笑话6：Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
搞笑的英语小笑话7：I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
搞笑的英语小笑话8：The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
搞笑的英语小笑话9：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
搞笑的英语小笑话10：Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗?
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”
1.一起来玩个游戏：用手机九键打出WSL看是什么字。敢不敢玩？我的是：我睡了。
2.儿子：今天惹事了，我把老师气哭了。 爸爸：你个小兔崽子，把老师怎么了？ 儿子：我上课玩吸铁石，被老师发现没收了。 爸爸：这不算啥大事，以后注意点。 儿子：但老师一拿，就吸在她的大金镯子上，当场就哭了，还跑去找校长打了一架……好一顿挠啊，把校长脸都挠出血了！ 爸爸：好了，没事了，你去玩吧…… 记住，以后拿吸铁石离你妈远点！
3.爸爸要去睡觉，告诉儿子：“待会要是有客人来，就叫爸爸！” 小明点头答应。 过了一会儿，隔壁老王来串门。 小明开了门，甜甜地叫道：“爸爸！” 老王激动道：“孩子，你终于知道啦！”
4.公司抽奖，抽的是水浒人物卡。 老王喊：“我抽到小李广花荣！” 经理：“送弓箭一副！” 老李喊：“我抽到鲁智深！” 经理：“送佛珠一串！” 我喊：“我抽到了武大郎，经理，是不是送我个漂亮媳妇啊？” 经理笑道：“送绿帽子一顶！”
5.女朋友出差刚回来就问我，狗狗呢？， 突然想逗她一下就说，送人了！看到她快哭的表情，我哈哈一笑，端起灶上的锅说道，哈哈！骗你的在锅里呢～～
6.事实证明：寒冷可以使人变得年轻。 小明的爷爷70多岁了，今天出门冻的跟孙子似的。
7.本人两百斤，出门打黑车，是辆QQ，我坐副驾驶。 车开了一会，司机突然停车对我说：“你能坐过来点么，我这边好飘。”
8.班里有个长得磕掺的同学走到我跟前，对我说:同学，你知道你唱歌多烦人不，影响我冬眠。我不耐烦的看了他一眼:烦老娘的多的是，你算哪个老几？还有也不撒泡尿看看自己的怂样，不呆在家，出来吓人，影响社会秩序。还有别说你冬眠，我感觉你还不如青蛙长得顺眼。顿时一班人雷鸣般的掌声来临，雷姐万岁雷姐万岁，我挥了挥手:低调低调，孔子曰:低调是最牛逼的炫耀！最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
9.小哥：来两箱青啤。 服务员：常温的还是冰镇的？ 小哥：你biang有病？！这个天喝冰镇的？！ 服务员：冰镇的4度，常温的零下15度。 小哥：两箱冰镇的
10.我朋友的糗事，是个女生。她考驾照的时候特别紧张，就怕过不了，手握方向盘握的特别紧。监考的看她紧张就说：别紧张！她回了句，我不紧张，他们说把监考的当条狗做在身边就行了
11.我看到我朋友在玩遥控小汽车，我感觉很好玩，给我妈妈说，妈妈我也想要小汽车。妈妈说，你整天要这个要那个，要不要坦克？我给你买个飞机，，，，，
12.有一天，一朋友发微信说：“收拾家收拾得都呆了，谁给讲个笑话听听呀”。只见一分钟后，下面所有的评论都是“笑话”，冷得我三天没缓过来。
13.在家玩游戏，突然想到男朋友还在外面等我，外面那么冷，瞬间给自己一巴掌，真不是东西，玩游戏怎么能分心呢？
经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一）
英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思” 学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”
这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。
英语笑话（二）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
英语笑话（三）
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
英语笑话（四）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾
曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
英语笑话（五）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：
"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（六）
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I am后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I am丘比特！」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...am...sorry...」
英语笑话（七）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
一个中国人（当然是外语不大好的啦）踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too.
two?the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~
这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?
晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，I am sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
英语笑话（八）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
英语笑话（九）
一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照.在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转.
他不放心的问道:turn left?
监考官回答:right.
于是他立刻向右转.
很抱歉他只有下次再来.
英语笑话（十）
一位中国学生在美国加州目睹了一起交通事故,由于好奇一直没有离开.
警察来了以后问他知不知道事情的经过,
he said:"one car come, one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.
英语笑话（十一）
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要
看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English. 小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文..... 英语笑话（十二）
上高中的时候，英语老师英文水平颇高，无奈汉语不佳。某日上课，老师讲解"独立结构"，举一经典例句："Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm." 然后翻译成中文："老师进了教室，胯下夹 着一本书。"顿时课堂上狂笑不已。
英语笑话（十三）
上初中时，英文老师讲到英文字词的词根：Landlord地主，是由land土地，lord主人，两部分组成的－－"土地"＋"主人"就是"地主".接着，老师又向大家提问：motherland是什么意思？"地主婆！"大家异口同声回答。
英语笑话（十一）
70年代学校里学英文，第一课是：Long Live Chairman Mao. 我等愚笨之辈第一次接触英文，背诵不 出，于是在英文下面加 注，曰：狼来了牵着猫。
英语笑话（十一）
某男约某女晚上看电影，约定会面地点后，该男道：I no
笑话,是供人们消遣或交际的一种创造性的语言形式,其主要功能是调侃、娱乐或讽刺。小编精心收集了超级爆笑的英语小笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
超级爆笑的英语小笑话篇1
Whenever my husband, Ben, does minor work on the car，he invites our six-year-old grandson, Jake，to help.
每当我丈夫贪，给汽车进行大检修时，他总是叫我们六岁的孙子杰克来帮助.
One day，Jake's Daddy asked him, "What does Grandpa pay you for all that help you give him?"
有一天，杰克的爸爸问他:“你帮爷爷干了那么多的活，他给了你点什么?”
Hands on hips，Jake Looked at his Daddy in the eye and replied，"Grandpa pays me attention.”
杰克双手放在屁股上，紧盯着爸爸的眼睛，回答说:“爷爷给了我足够的重视.”
超级爆笑的英语小笑话篇2同往常一样，我和朋友外出去跑步。我戴上了我的新皮手套。我告诉我的朋友，这副手套我是花50美元买的.戴上这新的暖融融的手套，很快我就感到两手出汗了.我把手套摘了下来，放进了口袋里。望着蔚蓝的天空，我的情绪特别好。所以，一路上我和朋友追逐着。
I started my uaual running with my friend as I put on my new leather gloves.I told my friend that they cost me 50 dollars. As I felt that my hands were sweating inside the new, warm gloves on the way, I took them off and tucked them into my pockets. The sky was so blue and I was in a good mood，so 1 chased my friend on the road.
十分钟后，当我再想戴手套时，却发现口袋里空了。我感到十分沮丧.
Ten minutes later when I was going to wear them again, I suddenly realised that my pockets were empty. I felt greatly distressed.
后来，我和朋友一起顺着原路找手套，在路边我们找到了一只。
Later，my friend was willing to retrace the route with me，and we found one glove along the road.
我的朋友说:“其不错，现在你只丢了25美元。”
"Wow !"said my friend,”now you have only lost $25."
超级爆笑的英语小笑话篇3"I'll need to see your license and registration,"says the highway patrolman after stopping a middle-aged couple."You were speeding.”
高速公路上的警察拦住了一对中年夫妇，说:“我要看看你的驾驶证和车证，你超速了.”
"But，officer,"says the husband, "I was way under the speed limit.”
“可是，长官，我一直在限制以下的速度开车。”大夫说。
"Sir, you were doing 63 in a 55 Zone.”
“先生，你在限速55英里的地区开到了63英里。”
"I was not speeding!"insists the man. 'Your radar gun must be broken. "
“我没有超速，”那个人坚特说:“你的雷达扫瞄一定有问题了。”
At this point, the wife leans over. "It''s no use arguing with him, officer,"she says apologetically."He always gets this stubborn when he's been drinking."
这时，他的老婆凑了上来:“警察先生，你不用跟他争论了，”她带着抱歉的口气说:“每一次喝酒，他就变得这么固执。”
看了“超级爆笑的英语小笑话”的人还看了：
下面是小编整理的经典英语小笑话，希望大家会喜欢!
经典英语小笑话：Five Months Older大五个月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
经典英语小笑话：Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
经典英语小笑话：jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
经典英语小笑话：Put your feet in把脚放进去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
经典英语小笑话：他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
经典英语小笑话： 愚蠢的问题Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
经典英语小笑话： Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
经典英语小笑话：我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”
经典英语小笑话：A Present 凯特的礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
经典英语小笑话：Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
中国汉字博大精深，而且多音字也好多，这样就会闹出不少谐音笑话，有些谐音笑话会让你爆笑不停，笑破肚皮，下面小编就为大家介绍一些爆笑谐音笑话吧，看看这些谐音笑话能不能逗你一笑。
笑破你的肚皮的谐音笑话推荐
谐音笑话推荐1。君要臣死，臣不得不死
香菇走在路上，被橙子撞了一下。香菇大怒道：「没长眼啊，去死吧。」然后橙子就死了。。。因为菌要橙死，橙不得不死。。
谐音笑话推荐2。梅花鹿
节日的时候，小兔子生气地对小鹿说：你看人家别的女孩子都能收到花，你为什么不送给我。小鹿可怜巴巴的说：因为我是梅花鹿啊。
谐音笑话推荐3。终身禁驾
今天上驾校理论课，老师说：“造成严重交通事故，并且逃逸的，终身禁驾。”
后边一妹子举手说到：“那我一辈子都嫁不出去了啊?”大家都快笑晕了……
谐音笑话推荐4。棺材匠
爷爷在病危之际，将年少无知的孙子叫到床前，用尽最后一口气嘱咐道：“孩子啊，这个世道……做官才好啊!”小孙子是个听话的孩子，他将爷爷临终前的话牢牢记在心里。许多年以后，他终于成了村里最好的棺材匠。
谐音笑话推荐5。快递
一女人来到男人家玩，女人调戏男人说：你要是有块地我就和你结婚。这时，门铃响了，快递小哥说：先生，有你快递!
谐音笑话推荐6、见鸡而作
从前有一个地主，很爱吃鸡，佃户租种他家的田，光交租不行，还得先送一只鸡给他。
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则 有一个叫张三的佃户，年终去给地主交租，并佃第二年的田。去时，他把一只鸡装在袋子里，交完租，便向地主说起第二年佃田的事。地主见他两手空空，便两眼朝天地说：“此田不予张三种。”张三明白这句话的意思，立刻从袋子里把鸡拿了出来。
地主见了鸡，马上改口说：“不予张三却予谁 。”张三说：“你的话变得好快呵!”
地主答道：“方才那句话是‘无稽(鸡)之谈’，此刻这句话是‘见机(鸡)而作’。”
谐音笑话推荐7、耳朵在此
新上任的知县是山东人，因为要挂子，他对师爷说：“你给我去买两根竹竿来。”
师爷把山东腔的”竹竿”听成了”猪肝”，连忙答应着，急急地跑到肉店去，对店主说：“新来的县太爷要买两个猪肝，你是明白人，心里该有数吧!”
店主是个聪明人，一听就懂了，马上割了两个猪肝，另外奉送了一副猪耳朵。
离开肉铺后，师爷心想：“老爷叫我买的是猪肝，这猪耳朵当然是我的了……”于是便将猎耳包好，塞进口袋里，回到县衙，向知县禀道：”回禀太爷，猪肝买来了!”
知县见师爷买回的是猪肝，生气道：“你的耳朵哪里去了!”师爷一听，吓得面如土色，慌忙答道：“耳……耳朵……在此……在我……我的口袋里!”
谐音笑话推荐8、有“机”可乘
有一个商品推销员去广州出差，到北京后，由于想乘飞机前往，因怕经理不同意报销，便给经理发了一封电报：“有机可乘，乘否?” 经理接到电报，以为是成交之“机”已到，便立即回电：“可乘就乘。”
这个推销员出差回来报销旅差费时，经理以不够级别，乘坐飞机不予报销的规定条款，不同意报销飞机票费。推销员拿出经理回电，经理口瞪口呆。
谐音笑话推荐9、地名
元旦晚上，小弟带两位侨生到家晚餐，一个性情开朗，一个较为拘谨。席间。那位开朗的同学笑指拘谨的同学给我们介绍说：“他是缅甸来的，所以比较腼腆。” 随后他举起酒杯向大家敬酒，仰首一饮而尽，接着说：“我是仰光来的。”
谐音笑话推荐10、校长发火
校长在学期结束时的校务会议上，对人事行政效率之低，大发雷霆。他说：“负责董事业务的不懂事;负责人事管理的不省人事;身为干事的又不干事!”
谐音笑话推荐11、乡村开会
一个乡里开会，由于谐音，村长说：“兔子们，虾米们，不要浆瓜，咸菜太贵了。”(同志们，乡民们，不要讲话，现在开会了。)主持人说：“咸菜请香肠浆瓜。”(现在请乡长讲话。)乡长说：“兔子们，虾米们，今天的饭狗吃了，大家都是大王八。”(同志们，乡民们，今天的饭够吃了，大家都用大碗吧。
谐音笑话推荐12、学英语
喜欢学英语的小明，不分日夜都在找说英语的机会。
这天，他不小心走路撞到一个外国人，他不好意思的说：「I am sorry.」「I am sorry,too.」外国人回答。
「I am sorry three.」小明马上回道。
「What are you sorry for?」外国人问。
「I am sorry five…」小明说。
谐音笑话推荐【1-10】1、周末回家，晚饭后烟瘾犯了，打算借口去散步。在门口换鞋时，老爸问我干吗去?我说：“去散个烟!”结果老爸从我身上搜出一包白沙，狠狠K了我一顿。
2、一次从妈妈那里出来后到老婆那里去，看见老婆后，习惯性的叫了一声：“妈!”
3、早上上班，发现自行车没气了，于是想叫妈妈推到门外打气。结果我说：“把我的轮胎推出去。”妈妈迷糊了，我笑着连忙改正，结果又说成：“帮我的汽车打点气!”
4、一次我开车，坐我旁边的女同事突然问：“你怎么开车不系安全套的?”
5、一次在厕所方便，没纸了。就对老婆说：“把擦纸的屁股拿来!”
6、一个女孩失恋了，我劝她：“两条腿的蛤蟆不好找，三条腿的男人有的是啊!”
7、两个人斗嘴，突然旁边一人冒出来一句：“你们真是吃饱了事情没饭做啊!”
8、同事和人争执，急了张口来了句：“你以为我吃饭长大的啊?”我一直纳闷他到底吃什么长大的。
9、上电脑课，一同学的机器有问题，于是大喊;“老板，换机子!”
10、边吃饭边看帖子，边念经典的给老婆听，笑死她了，于是她对我说：“吃完饭再看吧，不然脑子消化不良!”
谐音笑话推荐【11-20】11 由于一次出差机会，要去某地的中国银行维修设备，从宾馆出来坐上出租车后对女司机说：“去中国银行、顺便找一家五金店买把刀”汗!
当时我的意思是买把螺丝刀，我没注意到我说错了，这时那个女司机一直看着我非常委屈的说：“大哥我要下班了，你重新打辆车吧”。
当时我就非常生气，恶狠狠的说：“你要下班了在宾馆泊什么车呀!?”
女司机看了看我快要崩溃的说：“大哥那买完刀我不要车钱了你再找辆吧”晕!!!
这才知道我说错了，赶紧解释了半天，现在想一想都感觉对不住人家女司机。
12 政治老师有一次讲课的时候说：“下面我举个比方”，然后觉得不对，又说：“打个例子”