【www.xzxrv.com--搞笑台词】
笑话具有短小精悍、幽默风趣的特点,是一种深受人们喜爱的文体。下面小编整理了简短搞笑英文笑话，希望大家喜欢!
简短搞笑英文笑话：钥匙还是接吻
friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repealed. "Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课程进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。’，那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊接住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
简短搞笑英文笑话：用沙盖住影子The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to learn.
士兵们刚刚移驻到沙漠里，因为他们以前从来没有到过这样的地方，他们要学习的东西很多。
As there were no trees or buildings in the desert，it was，of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy. The soldiers were therefore g2vPn training in camouflage，which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green, yellow, and brown paints，and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth.
因为沙漠里没有树木和建筑物，要使他们的卡车躲过敌机当然是很难办到的。因此，士兵们受训进行伪装，也就是说，要把一些东西隐蔽起来，不让敌人看到它在哪里。教官教给了他们如何用浅绿、黄色和棕色在卡车上涂上不规则的图形，然后用网罩住它们后，士兵们在网上还系了许多小布片。
The driver who had the biggest truck went to lot of trouble to camouflage it. He. spent several hours painting it，preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.
一辆最大的卡车的司机，他为伪装汽车费了很大的力气。他花了几个小时涂画这辆车，并准备了一张网把车罩起来，同时他还找到了一些大石块来把网固定。当这一切都于完以后，他自豪地打量了自己的杰作后，就去吃中午饭了。
But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal，he was surprised and worried to see that his cannot flage work was completely spoilt by the truck’ s shadow, which was growing longer arid longer as the afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it.
但当他吃完饭回到卡车旁时，发现自己的伪装效果全被卡车的影子给破坏了，他感到又吃惊又发愁，而且影子还随着下午时间的推移而越来越长。他站在那里望着影子，不知怎么办才好。
Soon an officer arrived，and he too saw the shadow, of course.
不一会，一位军官走来，他当然也看见了影子。
"Well,” he shouted to the poor driver, "what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there.”
“喂，”他对那位可怜的司机叫道:“你准备怎么办?如果敌机飞过，飞行员马上就会知道这里有一辆卡车的。”
"I know, sir,” answered the soldier.
“我明白，长官，”士兵答道。
"Whel1, don’t just stand there doing nothing!” said the officer.
“嘿!不要光站在那里发呆了!”
"What shall I do, sir`?" asked the poor driver.
“我该怎么办呢?长官?”可怜的司机问。
"Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!” answered the officer.
“当然是拿起你的铲子，用沙把影子盖住呀!”军官答道。
简短搞笑英文笑话：去天堂Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you、Terry? You haven't got your hand up，don’t you want to go to Heaven?
星期日学校的教员:想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来……你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢，你不想去天堂吗?
Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.
哈里:我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。
下面是小编整理的经典英语小笑话，希望大家会喜欢!
经典英语小笑话：Five Months Older大五个月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
经典英语小笑话：Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
经典英语小笑话：jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
经典英语小笑话：Put your feet in把脚放进去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
经典英语小笑话：他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
经典英语小笑话： 愚蠢的问题Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
经典英语小笑话： Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
经典英语小笑话：我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”
经典英语小笑话：A Present 凯特的礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
经典英语小笑话：Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。下面是小编带来的英语课前一分钟小笑话，欢迎阅读!
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇一
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则 点到痛处
As a young lawyer working on my first big case，I was sitting in federal district court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying，unsuc-cessfully, to elicit certain information. Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.
作为一个年径的律师，当我经手第一个大案时，我坐在联邦区法院里现看一名有声望的律师提问证人。这位律师多次试图引出证人说出有用的证词，但都失败了。最后该法官来问证人了，只见他跟证人说了一句话，就从证人那儿得到了满意的回答。
"Thank you，Your Honor，"the attorney said. "How is it that you were able.to get the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"
“谢谢，尊敬的阁下.”律师说:“您跟他说了句什么就解决了我连问三次都问不出来的难题的呢?”
"Easy,"replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour.”
“容易，”法官说:“道理很简单，我不是按小时拿钱。”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇二消除谈话障碍最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
We own a small foreign car，the hinges of which are exposed to the weather and sometimes squeak. One day I was oiling the hinges when our landlord walked by.”What are you trying to do?"he asked. "Take the foreign accent out of it?"
我们有辆进口车，由于纹链幕露在外雨琳日晒的，所以，有时吱吱响。于是一天，我给它上点油，正巧房东经过。“你在干什么?”他问，“是想去掉这家伙的外国口音吗?”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇三母亲最知情
Conversation between mother and child:
以下是毋亲和孩子的对话:
"Can I have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“我能吃块巧克力甜饼吗?”
"How do you ask?"
“你怎么说话呢?”
"May I have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“您能让我吃块巧克力甜饼吗?"
"What do you say?"
“你说什么?”
"May I please have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“请您允许我吃块巧克力甜饼吧?”
"No. It's too close to supper."
“不行，马止就要吃晚饭了。”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇四存有二心
The local weatherman was wrong in his forecasts so often that he was embarrassed and applied for a transfer，stating as his reason:"The climate here doesn't agree with me."
当地的一名天气预报员多次在预报工作中出现错误。他为此感到很难为情。于是，他决定换个工作。在陈述其原因时。他说:“这儿的气侯跟我不一条心.”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇五两全齐美
Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".
一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”
"Don't mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"
另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”
看了“英语课前一分钟小笑话”的人还看了：
英语幽默小笑话六篇
frog 青蛙
Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."
老师正在给学生上生物课：“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。”
人们什么时候说话最少？
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?
Tom: Men.
汤姆:男人们。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
汤姆: 双胞胎。
谁欠谁钱
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.
律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗？律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写 道：咨询费250美元。I Have His Ear in My Pocket
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
What Was It She Wanted？
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．
一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？” “雨，”店员说。
the lowest gradeProfessor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero.Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give.最低分学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” Real PlayWhen I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.逼真的戏剧我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
英语幽默小笑话：Goldfish 金鱼
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
Stan: In the bathroom.
斯丹：浴室。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them!
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
英语单词讲解：
blindfold vt. (作名词时意思是眼罩)
1. (用布或带)蒙住…的眼睛；蒙住(眼睛)：
The victim was blindfolded.
受害者被蒙住了眼睛。
to blindfold the hostage
蒙住人质的眼睛
2. 妨碍视力；遮住(或挡住)…的视线：
The tall man in the front blindfolded me.
前面的高个子男人挡住了我的视线。
3. 使不理解，使失去识别能力(或判断力、觉察力)；使模糊不清；使迟钝；使迷惑；蒙骗：
to blindfold you to the true purpose of her invitation
被蒙蔽而看不出她邀你的真正目的
英语幽默小对话
1】A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”