【www.xzxrv.com--搞笑台词】
笑话具有短小精悍、幽默风趣的特点,是一种深受人们喜爱的文体。下面小编整理了简短搞笑英文笑话，希望大家喜欢!
简短搞笑英文笑话：钥匙还是接吻
friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repealed. "Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课程进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。’，那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊接住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
简短搞笑英文笑话：用沙盖住影子The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to learn.
士兵们刚刚移驻到沙漠里，因为他们以前从来没有到过这样的地方，他们要学习的东西很多。
As there were no trees or buildings in the desert，it was，of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy. The soldiers were therefore g2vPn training in camouflage，which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green, yellow, and brown paints，and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth.
因为沙漠里没有树木和建筑物，要使他们的卡车躲过敌机当然是很难办到的。因此，士兵们受训进行伪装，也就是说，要把一些东西隐蔽起来，不让敌人看到它在哪里。教官教给了他们如何用浅绿、黄色和棕色在卡车上涂上不规则的图形，然后用网罩住它们后，士兵们在网上还系了许多小布片。
The driver who had the biggest truck went to lot of trouble to camouflage it. He. spent several hours painting it，preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.
一辆最大的卡车的司机，他为伪装汽车费了很大的力气。他花了几个小时涂画这辆车，并准备了一张网把车罩起来，同时他还找到了一些大石块来把网固定。当这一切都于完以后，他自豪地打量了自己的杰作后，就去吃中午饭了。
But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal，he was surprised and worried to see that his cannot flage work was completely spoilt by the truck’ s shadow, which was growing longer arid longer as the afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it.
但当他吃完饭回到卡车旁时，发现自己的伪装效果全被卡车的影子给破坏了，他感到又吃惊又发愁，而且影子还随着下午时间的推移而越来越长。他站在那里望着影子，不知怎么办才好。
Soon an officer arrived，and he too saw the shadow, of course.
不一会，一位军官走来，他当然也看见了影子。
"Well,” he shouted to the poor driver, "what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there.”
“喂，”他对那位可怜的司机叫道:“你准备怎么办?如果敌机飞过，飞行员马上就会知道这里有一辆卡车的。”
"I know, sir,” answered the soldier.
“我明白，长官，”士兵答道。
"Whel1, don’t just stand there doing nothing!” said the officer.
“嘿!不要光站在那里发呆了!”
"What shall I do, sir`?" asked the poor driver.
“我该怎么办呢?长官?”可怜的司机问。
"Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!” answered the officer.
“当然是拿起你的铲子，用沙把影子盖住呀!”军官答道。
简短搞笑英文笑话：去天堂Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you、Terry? You haven't got your hand up，don’t you want to go to Heaven?
星期日学校的教员:想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来……你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢，你不想去天堂吗?
Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.
哈里:我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。
笑话由于其滑稽可笑的特点而为人们长久以来所喜爱。下面是小编带来的一分钟幽默英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读!
一分钟幽默英语笑话故事篇一
疯狂的司机
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, “Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!”
Herman says，“I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!”
一位高龄老人开着车在高速公路上驾车时，接到了妻子打来的电话，妻子焦急地告诉他说，“赫尔曼，小心!我刚从电台上听到报道说，在280号公路上有一个疯子正在开车逆行!”
赫尔曼说，“我知道，可是不是一个，而是成百上千个!”
一分钟幽默英语笑话故事篇二Dead turtle 死去的乌龟
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Myrddin, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
"妈妈,我的乌龟死了,"小男孩默丁伸出手里的乌龟给妈妈看,悲伤地对她说.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet.
妈妈亲了一下他的头,说:"没关系.我们用纸巾把它包起来,放到小盒子里,再到后院举行一个小葬礼.然后我们就去吃冰激凌,再买给你一个新宠物."
I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Myrddin, your turtle is not dead after all."
"我不希望你..."妈妈的声音变小了,因为她发现乌龟在动."默丁, 你的乌龟根本没死."
"Oh," the disappointed boy, wanting ice cream and a new pet, said. "Can I kill it?".
"哦,"想着冰激凌和新宠物的男孩失望起来,"我能弄死它吗?"
一分钟幽默英语笑话故事篇三
Egg Donor 鸡蛋捐赠人
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
一天，苏在打扫床底下的时候，发现了一个小盒子。出于好奇，她把它打开，发现里面有3个鸡蛋和一万块钱。她感觉有些可疑，就找结了婚20年的丈夫质问。
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
弗兰克说：“哦，那个啊，每欺骗你一次，我就放一个鸡蛋到盒子里。”苏虽然对此有点不开心，不过想到20年间才欺骗她3次，也不算很糟糕了。
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
“但是那一万块钱是怎么会是?”
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
“每当我攒够了12个鸡蛋，我就把它们卖了。”
一分钟幽默英语笑话故事篇四Bring me the winner 给我那个打赢的吧
Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。
I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
Well, bring me the winner then.
哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
一分钟幽默英语笑话故事篇五男：Can I buy you a drink?(我可以为你买一杯饮料吗?)
女：Actually I'd rather have the money.(不必，我很有钱。)
男：Can I have your name?(直译：我能有你的名字吗?)
女：Why? Don't you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)
男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
男：Is this seat empty?(直译：这个座位是空的吧?)
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)
男：Haven't I seen you some place before?(我好象以前在什么地方见过你?)
女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼。)
男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)
看了“一分钟幽默英语笑话故事”的人还看了：
笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。下面是小编带来的英语课前一分钟小笑话，欢迎阅读!
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇一
点到痛处
As a young lawyer working on my first big case，I was sitting in federal district court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying，unsuc-cessfully, to elicit certain information. Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.
作为一个年径的律师，当我经手第一个大案时，我坐在联邦区法院里现看一名有声望的律师提问证人。这位律师多次试图引出证人说出有用的证词，但都失败了。最后该法官来问证人了，只见他跟证人说了一句话，就从证人那儿得到了满意的回答。
"Thank you，Your Honor，"the attorney said. "How is it that you were able.to get the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"
“谢谢，尊敬的阁下.”律师说:“您跟他说了句什么就解决了我连问三次都问不出来的难题的呢?”
"Easy,"replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour.”
“容易，”法官说:“道理很简单，我不是按小时拿钱。”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇二消除谈话障碍
We own a small foreign car，the hinges of which are exposed to the weather and sometimes squeak. One day I was oiling the hinges when our landlord walked by.”What are you trying to do?"he asked. "Take the foreign accent out of it?"
我们有辆进口车，由于纹链幕露在外雨琳日晒的，所以，有时吱吱响。于是一天，我给它上点油，正巧房东经过。“你在干什么?”他问，“是想去掉这家伙的外国口音吗?”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇三母亲最知情
Conversation between mother and child:
以下是毋亲和孩子的对话:
"Can I have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“我能吃块巧克力甜饼吗?”
"How do you ask?"
“你怎么说话呢?”
"May I have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“您能让我吃块巧克力甜饼吗?"
"What do you say?"
“你说什么?”
"May I please have a chocolate-chip cookie?"
“请您允许我吃块巧克力甜饼吧?”
"No. It's too close to supper."
“不行，马止就要吃晚饭了。”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇四最搞笑的英语小笑话十则存有二心
The local weatherman was wrong in his forecasts so often that he was embarrassed and applied for a transfer，stating as his reason:"The climate here doesn't agree with me."
当地的一名天气预报员多次在预报工作中出现错误。他为此感到很难为情。于是，他决定换个工作。在陈述其原因时。他说:“这儿的气侯跟我不一条心.”
英语课前一分钟小笑话篇五两全齐美
Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".
一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”
"Don't mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"
另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”
看了“英语课前一分钟小笑话”的人还看了：
英语幽默小笑话 1、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.”What did you do with the money （that/which/不填）I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You are a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
2、Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?”asked his mother. “I‟d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“咬了我一口。”说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
3、Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow（燕子）, the other is sparrow（麻雀）. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
4、Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
5、Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were . At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
6、Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes” “Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
7、Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll （散步，闲逛）with her babies when she spotted（发现） a cat crouched（蹲伏） behind a bush（灌木丛）. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely（凶猛的）, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
value（价值） of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
一般现在时:I make love with her everyday.
有些单词正看、反看都有意思，越看越有意思，越有意思越想看。因为英语单词只能横向变化，没有上下结构，故叫妙趣“横”生。如：
live倒过来就是evil。 可见“生活”不能颠倒，颠倒过来就是“罪恶”——俨如警世通言！
又比如，鼠辈造反（猜一英语单词）。谜底是
star。因为star从后往前读，正好是rats。英语中有不少单词左右有讲，堪称翻然成趣。
evil（罪恶）------ live（生活）；God----- dog； nod（点头）------ don（大学教师）；
not----- ton（吨）；on---- no；pan（平底锅）------- nap（小睡）；part----- trap（陷阱）；pets（宠物）------- step；pots（壶）-----stop；rail（铁轨）------ liar（说谎者）；raw（生的）------ war；smart（机灵的）----- trams（电车）；tap（水龙头）------ pat（轻拍）；ten----- net（网）；tog（衣服）------ got；tops（顶）------- spot（点）。
再者，妙趣横生的含义 不少单词似是而
非，千万不要望文生义，而误入陷阱。如：
英语笑话（一）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
英语笑话（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
英语笑话（四）
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
英语笑话（五）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
英语笑话（六）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
the lowest gradeProfessor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero.Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give.最低分学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” Real PlayWhen I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.逼真的戏剧我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”